Tuesday, March 23, 2010

A Hog on Ice 3/ 22/ 2010

Our apartment building sits at the bottom of a long hill, in a sort of cul-de-sac. And when it rains, or snow melts, the water gets stuck down there until it evaporates, or until migrating herds of wildebeest come to drink it.

This morning, before the wildebeesties came, I set out in the dark for my run. As soon as I stepped into the road, I slipped on the water, or ice, as the water from the snowmelt had refrozen, trapping several crocodiles beneath. Collecting myself after this near disaster, I headed back into the building, in order to warn my wife of the icy danger. As soon as I hit the sidewalk, I nearly hit the sidewalk, finding yet another swatch of slickness with my oafish hooves. I think the only reason I didn't fall was that I flailed about so wildly, one arm up, the other down, one foot going east, the other southeast, I confounded gravity into momentarily releasing its grip upon me. When I finished this impromptu Triple Toe-Loop, I stuck out my arms, thrust back my head and sang, "Ta-da!" The judge from Burkina Faso gave me a 5.0, purely out of sympathy.

Winter gave it one more try; I have to hand it to her. She tried to knock me down, spit in my face, and slander my name all over the place. But I prevailed. I stuck the landing, and came up smiling.

Thanks for humoring me.

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