Wasted Time 4/26/10

If I had kept track of the amount of time I have spent waiting for my Garmin Forerunner 205 to be located by the satellites necessary to track my speed and distance during the two years I have owned it, I would probably have accumulated the hours required to run ten marathons.

I have stood, nearly every morning during those two years, watching the red line that means "acquisition," move steadily across the watchface, until it reaches the end, only, for some reason to retreat toward the beginning. I curse and stomp my feet, look up at the sky to see where those f****** satellites are, then move forward, or back, a step until I make that red line move again toward completion of its path, which means I can finally start my run. Sometimes that works, most times it does not. I hold my watch above my head. I hold it out to the side. I curse. I stomp my feet. I move to the left. I move to the right. I consider not paying the portion of my federal taxes that goes to keeping Global Positioning Satellites in orbit.

I freeze, or sweat, depending on the season. I get soaked, or I watch the sun trace its path across the sky from east to west as morning turns to afternoon. The damned red line just won't commit. Why does it hesitate at the moment of consummation, in a sort of "acquisitionus interruptus?"

Do I live in an isolated Appalachian valley, or on a guano-caked South Pacific island? Of course not. Our expansive apartment complex lies in the very middle of North America, in, if not a densely populated area, at least one whose population is dense. Are the satellite positioners messing with me? Can they see me down here, cursing and stamping, and have just decided to jerk my chain for a while to see what other tricks they can make me do? Is it Revenge of The Nerds, Part VI?

The hell with it. Today I left the bleeping wonderwatch on the bedside table. I knew the route I was running was six miles, no need to measure that again. So as soon as my feet hit the asphalt, I was moving. I flipped off the Eye in the Sky, and scuffled up the hill, thinking, as a great space explorer might have said, "One step backward for technology- one giant step forward for mankind running."

Thanks for reading.