An Atheist Plays God 4/13/10

The dog was squatting in the dewy darkness, his tail twitching, trying to grace the grass with the by-product of yesterday's gorging. His human was at the other end of the leash, slipping his forearm inside the plastic sheath that had recently held the morning paper, and trying to aim the flashlight so that it would find the hazmat, and not the dog, who disdains the spotlight at such times.

The dog, committed to his downward-facing position for at least two minutes, was not scanning the near distance for bunnines, but the human saw one: Very still, perpindicular to the dog, and staring at him sideways. The rabbit, in his sideways-facing position, could not see the black cat stalking him from behind. Neither did the dog. But the human did. The human who does not believe in an omnipotent, omniscient, benevolent Supreme Being. Who accepts that tragedies occur for many reasons, but not because there is some Master Plan. He saw the cat bent on bunny beheading.

And he did just what a kind God would do-that is, if he were a God for bunnies, and not for cats. He made a noise like "Sssst!" And the bunny bolted, and the cat went futilely after him. The noise startled the dog, which caused him to finally drop his baggage, which the atheist God then grabbed with his plasticized hand.

So, the bunny survived to procreate for the quadrillionth time, and the cat, unable to bring home rabbit stakes for his missus, was denied conjugal congratulations. And the atheist felt pretty proud of himself for spoiling this Wild Kingdom moment, and couldn't wait to tell his wife. And the dog, who almost didn't give a shit, turned and trotted back toward his smelly bed and his kibble.

Thanks for humoring me.