Run, Squirrel, Run 2/18/10

Part of our job as shoe fitters is to ask customers how much running they do, so that we can get an idea of how much shoe they need, and how it should fit. I'd say 15-20 miles per week is average. Of course, a relative few will run 50 or more.

But there is a sizable number who don't do any running at all. Some just want shoes they can walk in, or work in. Some just want to try the latest models, because they may have some exciting innovation that they've read about. And that's all fine, of course. We're a running shoe store, so basically we want to sell running shoes, and we try not to be too judgmental about how they're used.

Occasionally, though, some customers will take pride in the fact that they don't run, "I only run if I'm being chased," they'll say. Moreover, they'll go so far as to call people that do run, "fanatical," or "hard-core." Heh? I just want to ask them, "Do you brush your teeth every day? Yes? Do you consider yourself a 'fanatical' toothbrusher? And how do you know that when you are running for your life, you can get away from whichever horror has it in for you? Wouldn't you want to train for the big moment, so that should it arrive, in the form of a marauding elephant, raptured and driverless SUV, or DEA agents who don't see it your way on medicinal marijuana, you can get the fungowee?

Take for example a daring little squirrel that I saw today while I was out training for my 10-K With Destiny. He was darting across his grassy sanctuary, chasing and being chased by his squirrel friends, preparing for that moment when he would have to outrun a hawk or an owl trolling for a rodent appetizer. Apparently, it was going well, he was feeling confident, and he wanted to kick it up a notch. It's the only reason I can imagine for what he did next. He bolted out of his yard, and onto Lowell Avenue, in front of an oncoming car. This silly squirrel must have thought, "If I can beat a Honda Odyssey, I can beat a barn owl." I gasped, not just because I was running uphill, but because I knew I was going to see what happens when overwhelming automotive pressure is applied to a squirrel abdomen.

But, no. The furry little Usain Bolt survived his Odyssey. What he couldn't have known until it was too late, though, was that there was a Chevy Traverse about to intersect his path as it traversed the other lane. I was still gasping, expecting to witness the little guy's transition to the afterlife. But, no. He dodged the front wheel, without slowing down, and got up and over the curb, just before the rear wheel would have pulverized his melon. Incredible! I pumped my fist from relief and happiness that this pint-sized daredevil had actually made it.


He was worried about being in good enough shape to elude animal predators. But the real test for him was made in Michigan, and Japan. Would his reflexes and muscles have been prepared for the challenge, if he hadn't been working out in the front yard with his buddies? And here's another little acorn of truth you can store in a hollow tree for the rest of the Winter: Squirrels who run at least 10 minutes a day, 4 days a week, are less likely to die of heart attack or stroke, than those who don't. And if you run out of juice in the middle of the street, you're going to get flatlined by a four-wheeler, and be a crow's lunch. It takes a tough nut to survive out on the street. You gotta be hardcore.

Thanks for reading.